We need to learn to get the truth of a matter and not just the facts.
The facts of a matter might and might not be true.
All truths are facts but not all facts are true.
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Suicide (Who Is Responsible)
Photo Credit: Bizarrepedia.com
The rate of suicide in Nigeria is at an alarming high rate now. Suicide is a strange word or thing, and now it is becoming a norm.
While pondering about this i come across a post on face book and I will love to share it.
Please stop blaming the president about the current state of suicide in the society. Blame yourselves, blame the society for always settings standards like marriage, school, vocation etc.
You all judge a guy who hasn’t gone to school or not being too rich to your liking.
You judge a girl who was raped and gets pregnant.
You judge a man striving to feed his family, you body shame people and gossip your very own friends
The church/mosque neglects you unless you have something to give them.
I can go on and on. Let us blame ourselves for being too shy of teaching our children sex education and when they grow up with a different mindset and experience something different their brain can’t comprehend it and some fall into depression.
Let’s blame ourselves when we compare our children with other people’s that leads a child into depression.
Coming from the north I see a lot of stupid, traditions that don’t mean crap yet we practice it for heck what. Forcing our children to pick up religion and traditions that they don’t understand. Let’s blame ourselves for the failure in Africa. One man can’t change the nation for good neither can one man change the nation for bad. We are where we are(pun intended) because we have collectively agreed to support wrong leadership, wrong doctrines and wrong traditions.
Until we change our backwards sentimental reasonings we WILL continue to experience what we are now experiencing.
My name is Kate Mshelia and I don’t know if I am making common sense.
Change is the only constant factor in life, I want to share with you what I have read over the years and has transformed me.
Looking back, I can see how much I’ve changed. I almost haven’t noticed the change, because it sneaks up on you, until it’s impossible to ignore.
It’s like when you were a kid. You got taller, but you didn’t notice until you stood up against the wall with the marks.
The same holds true for life changes.
You are constantly changing, but it’s hard to notice until it pokes you in the ribs.
It’s not even a question of if you’re changing; it’s a question of in which direction are you changing.
Most people want change because they want to escape. But it doesn’t work.
It is by facing your inner demons that you heal yourself, and change your life for the better.
Below are the 21 things you can do to change your life. It’s a hefty and spicy read, so grab your beverage of choice and enjoy.
- Take Tiny Steps
A baby learns to crawl before it can walk, and it learns to walk before it can run.
Most people expect rapid life changes. If they’re wasting their time at a soul-sucking job, they expect success and fame within six months.
I’m not saying it isn’t possible, because it is, but in most cases it’s not going to happen.
People who need life changes right away don’t realize that it’s not going to make them happy anyway.
All they want is their dream of a problem-free future. When they get there, reality sets in, and another goal is set.
And the wheel keeps turning.
So realize that there will always be problems in life. It’s not our job to eliminate them, but to do our best, take tiny steps, and see where life takes us. - Take Quantum Leaps
Something I’ve learned in working with people is that changes can happen in an instant. Old pains, fears, and negative emotions can vanish and be replaced by something more useful.
This may seem contradictory to what I said above, but it isn’t. It’s not either/or, it’s both/and.
We don’t live in a black and white world.
Quantum leaps are tipping points (as Malcolm Gladwell, the author likes to call them).
As you keep taking one step at a time, you will eventually reach a tipping point where your thinking shifts.
The problem is that most people never get to those shifts. They stop drilling when they are about to hit gold. - Accept Where You Are
I learn a lesson playing freecell and solitaire, that each game can be won knowing the right moves to make. By accepting who you are you can make a lot of difference in the world.
Things come and go. People live and die. Your life feels good, and it feels bad. The more you accept this, the easier it is to change your life.
In fact, it seems as if life changes itself when I stop pushing so hard.
Here’s a video I recorded on being in the present moment: - Be Patient
I learn this while learning how to play the guitar, that no knowledge is a waste, invest you time into learning something new and don’t try to rush and don’t try to skip a lesson.
I stumbled a lot in the beginning. I made mistakes, I failed, and I gave up in frustration more times than I’d care to admit.
I began seeing results when I became absolutely determined to succeed.
It was a big lesson in patience. It doesn’t matter what’s going on. There will always be problems. But they don’t have to clutter up your whole life.
Be patient with your progress. Stay true to your heart.
You can change your life. Sometimes it just happens in its own time. - Forgive
We all have memories—painful memories.
What you may not realize is that the person hurting you with those memories is you.
You are the director of your mind. While the event may have happened in the past, it’s you who keeps playing them over and over again.
Reliving the past will get you nowhere. That’s why it’s essential to forgive and forget all those people in your memories.
You don’t even have to forgive. All you have to do is pay less attention to those thoughts and memories.
Once you see that the only one suffering is you, the grip tends to loosen. - Heal
Healing yourself goes hand in hand with point #5. When you know that you can let go of past memories, fears, and obstacles, your self-confidence grows.
Most people aren’t ready for life changes. They avoid any and all solutions, because they are comfortable where they are.
And that’s fine with me, but if you make that choice, you have no right to complain or make excuses.
You either choose to be where you are, or you choose to change your life. The choice is yours.
Healing starts with seeing that you are not your thoughts; you are the awareness behind them. Thoughts come and go, but your true nature never changes. - Face Your Fears
When you face your fears, possibilities open up. Even now, there are time when I’m scared.
Fears don’t disappear, they simply become less important. Fear is the opposite of faith.
And remember, this is not about comparing yourself to someone else. This is about following your inner GPS, and living the life you were meant to live. - Kill Your Excuses
Your excuses are mere illusions.
You may have excuses about why you can’t follow your passion and build do what you have always dream of, but are they really true?
If you really wanted to, you could take one tiny step forward.
That’s all it takes.
One tiny step.
Then see what happens, re-assess, and take another step. - Take Responsibility
Since talking with more and more readers, clients, and people in general, I’ve started to notice a scary pattern.
That pattern is the lack of responsibility. I see people wanting to change their life, but they aren’t willing to take responsibility.
They wait for a white knight (or black, depending on your preference) to sweep in to save the day and make change effortless and comfortable.
I hate to burst your bubble, but it’s not going to happen. When you take responsibility for the life you’ve created, you can begin to move forward.
If you’re blaming someone else for your situation, you’re stuck.
Learn to make decisions from your inner authority. Here’s a video where I share how I do this: - Follow Your Heart
And what would an article of mine be without me telling you to follow your heart?
If you’ve been reading my articles, you know that I keep writing about following your heart, and there’s a reason for it.
As I’ve been living my life, I’ve started listening to my heart more and more.
And when I say following and listening to your heart, I mean it in the broadest sense of the word. It can mean anything, such as following your gut, intuition, feelings, or going with the flow of life.
When you begin putting the pieces together, and taking responsibility, and healing yourself, you naturally begin to follow your heart, your inner GPS. - Follow Your Passion
If you drive to a gas station, and fill your car with the wrong kind of fuel, it won’t run very well, if at all.
That’s what most people are trying to do in life. They are listening to outside influences, and that’s when all the “shoulds” come in.
It’s the belief that you have to focus on money in order to build a successful business. I did this in the beginning, so I know what it’s like.
You want to do your research and know whether or not your idea is viable, but if you don’t do something you’re passionate about, your car will run out of fuel sooner or later.
It is your passion that will fuel your journey for the rest of your life.
The problem is that you may not know how to even start finding and following your passion. I had the same problem when I was starting out, but eventually things clicked. - Meditate
Ever had the experience of your mind racing out of control? It almost feels like you’re going crazy, doesn’t it?
A great way to calm yourself (and your mind) down is to meditate. Even five minutes of meditation can do wonders.
Meditation has taught me to see through the dance of thought. I have thoughts. I have worries. And I have fears.
But I can observe them without getting too involved. It’s not always so simple, but knowing that I am not my thoughts is a tremendous help.
What’s important is not to just know it intellectually, but to see how you create your experience of life. - Express Yourself
I find writing therapeutic. It’s something I love to do. It calms me. It’s inspiring, and it infuses my life with serenity.
I highly recommend you try journaling or just writing down your thoughts after every day. If you’ve tried to solve problems in your head, you know it doesn’t work.
You can have a conversation on paper, freewrite, and solve problems easily. It has the ability to change your life completely.. - Kill Your Comfort Zone
If you want to change your life in the most positive sense, get comfortable with being out of your comfort zone.
When you’re learning something new, you’ll bump into the walls of your comfort zone.
Your spirit yearns for freedom. It’s when you put yourself into a little box that your spirit feels the need to rebel. You start feeling bored, and restless.
You don’t have to suddenly infuse your life with discomfort. All you have to do is dip your toes from time to time. - Flow
Let’s face it. You don’t know what you want.
Most people think they know what they want. They make five and ten year plans, acting as if they know all the variables of life.
I’m on board with making plans and setting goals. But I don’t rigidly stick to them. You will miss opportunities if you disregard the whispers of your heart, if you trade the present moment for the future.
You miss life.
It’s like driving with all the windows painted black except the front window. You see where you’re going, but you miss everything else.
Accept that life brings you possibilities. You don’t always know where your life will go. But go with the flow, and you will be where you need to be.
16. Focus
In order to change your life, you have to change your focus.
If you don’t take control of your mind, it will run amok. You will focus on the negative. You will imagine the worst possible scenarios.
What works for me is to focus on who is aware of the thoughts swirling in my head.
There’s an awareness there.
When I focus on it, I almost immediately relax. I see how my thoughts take me on a roller coaster ride of emotions. One day I can feel fine, and one day I can feel miserable.
The only difference is thought.
But there’s one thing most people miss when I share this: I’m not talking about changing my thoughts. I don’t try to change anything. Instead, I observe my thoughts, and let them be. I’m mindful of what’s going on.
Here’s a quick video on how I went from miserable to loving life: - Read
I love reading.
We live and die by stories. My life has changed several times by reading a book.
The stories you read have a profound effect on how you view the world. You can be stuck on a problem, and the solution can pop into your mind while you’re reading.
Your mind does not work sequentially. You can be reading something, then something goes click, and your life changes forever.
And as you’re reading these very words, it causes you to think, doesn’t it?
In order for you to make sense out of the funny letters you see here, you have to go inside, and make sense out of it from your own map of the world. - Befriend the Unknown
You never know what you need. Remember point #15, going with the flow?
When you’re open to the unknown, which is a synonym for possibility, you accept that life may bring you something negative to teach you a positive lesson.
I had some horrible days when I played poker. It can murder you psychologically, especially if you’re playing it for a living like I was.
At one point I was looking up at the sky and asking “Why?”
It helped me realize what’s truly important in life. It isn’t money, or material wealth, although those things can be nice.
You just never know what life will bring, so you might as well become curious.
How will the seemingly negative turn to positive in your life? What are you learning? - Reclaim Your Personal Power
Stop looking to others for approval. Just like taking responsibility (#9), you have to reclaim your personal power.
You know what to do. You can feel it. You just haven’t been listening to that inner voice until now.
It’s easy to give the decision to someone else, but it’s your life. The sooner you realize that, the more fun you will have.
What do you want to do right now?
If you don’t know, then start somewhere, because action will bring clarity. - Accept Failure
You will make mistakes.
And you won’t even know if they are mistakes when you make them, because mistakes and failures have a tendency to transform into blessings.
You only fail if you give up, so if you never give up, you can never fail, only learn, and grow. - Remember Who You Are
And above all, remember that you are always more than you think you are.
You are more than your problems, more than your fears, and more than your body.
I learned this from an excellent NLP trainer called John Overdurf.
It’s only when you focus on your problems and believe them to be you that you get into trouble.
So, remember to relax, because life is way too important to take seriously
Little Steps That Can Change Your Life
Living in Optimism
We all face tough days or times. It’s a part of life.
But how you react, think and act during these tough times makes a big difference. With a helpful set of habits the outlook on life can change in a huge and remarkable way. I know from experience………..
So I’d like to simply share five of my favorite timeless tips on optimism. Fundamentals that the wise people that came before us have lived by for hundreds and thousands of years.
1. Remember: It is not too late to change your life.
“Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending.”
Maria Robinson
It may feel like you have been on the same path and stuck in the same habits for so long that you are stuck permanently on your current route. It doesn’t have to be that way though. You may not be able to change your life in any way you want right now. But work with what you have where you are right now.
Make just a small change if that is what is possible. That small change and success will give you confidence and optimism and you can build upon that to make more and perhaps even bigger changes over the year.
2. Don’t make mountains out of molehills.
“If you break your neck, if you have nothing to eat, if your house is on fire, then you’ve got a problem. Everything else is inconvenience.”
Robert Fulghum
It is easy to let thoughts spin out of control. To let them grow from just one thought or one situation into a big thing in your mind.
So what can you do about it?
One thought combination that has helped me with this habit is to:
Step 1: Say stop right away. This works well for optimism.In this case it simply means that as soon as you become aware of that you are starting to make a mountain out of a molehill you say or shout STOP! or something similar in your mind.
Step 2: Broaden the perspective. After I have used my stop-phrase, I ask myself this about the perceived problem: Will this issue be of significance in 5 years? Or even 5 weeks? The answer is almost always no. And my mind is once again more chill, calm and level-headed.
3. Find a more helpful way to view your troubles.
“What seems to us as bitter trials are often blessings in disguise.”
Oscar Wilde
“If you will call your troubles experiences, and remember that every experience develops some latent force within you, you will grow vigorous and happy, however adverse your circumstances may seem to be.”
John Heywood
Not all troubles in life are molehills (or simply made out of air).
And these more substantial challenges can easily get to drag you down.
But if you view them in a helpful and optimistic way then, yes, they may still hurt. But they tend to often hurt a lot less and can even be a source of optimistic excitement.
For example, I did not like making mistakes or failing at all. I often chose to stand still and not do anything so as not to not risk anything.
But nowadays I have learned that these things tend to truly be a blessing in disguise.
What has changed?
I view them differently and act upon them differently than I used to. I ask myself:
What is one opportunity in this situation?
How will this experience help me in the long run?
These questions help me to make good use of a situation that may seem negative at first.
And after having gone through this process over and over again I am a lot less afraid of making mistakes or failing. Because by now I know from experience that by handling challenges in this way, I have gained many benefits and grown as a person over the past years.
4. Focus on the small steps you can take.
“Having a positive mental attitude is asking how something can be done rather than saying it can’t be done.”
Bo Bennett
Focus on what you can do about your situation and take action on. Not on asking yourself over and over why something happened to you or why you failed. That will only lead to pessimism and feeling powerless.
Instead, ask yourself: what is one small step I can take today to get the ball rolling and improve this situation?
Just take that one small step today. Then another tomorrow. The small steps tend to add up quickly and, as I mentioned above, will breed confidence and optimism that allow you to take more and bigger steps.
5. Learn to reduce and handle worries.
“When I look back on all these worries, I remember the story of the old man who said on his death bed that he had had a lot of trouble in his life, most of which had never happened.”
Winston Churchill
Worries can be very destructive.
But most of the things you fear will happen never happens. They are just nightmares or monsters in your own mind. And if they happen then they will most often not be as painful or bad as you expected. Worrying is most often just a waste of the time you have here.
I know, this is easy to say. But what can you do about it?
What has worked for me is a similar combination to the one that I mentioned above.
Say stop. I first use my stop phrase
Look back into the past. Then I ask myself a question based on Churchill’s quote: how many of my worries and things I feared came into my reality in the past? The answer is always the same for me: very few.
These two steps help me to calm down and to think more clearly about things once again.
Cr: Sam Abah
Ibrahim Gana Malgwi's Blog 
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